I loved writing This Too Shall Pass. I thought of it as my new boyfriend (I know, I’m weird). I was completely obsessed with it; it was my first thought when I woke and my last thought at night. As much was written off the page as on the page, as I went about my day doing chores, on my bike, sitting on the tube. Every spare moment, as well as dedicated time, I sat on my sofa tapping away, alone and accompanied by my book. Unlike a boyfriend, I had the joy of making the story go how I wanted, but of course, I could never wrestle onto the page the exquisite beauty that was my ‘dream book’ in my head. But with all the days that went badly, the emotional tangles I got into, I loved the thinking and the writing and the intensity of it. I loved staying at home, being paid to put words on a page. I loved the fact that I was actually writing a whole book. And I did it.
With the publication in 10 weeks I am doing the reverse. I have to go out and about and sell it. I want to give it as big a push as possible. I want it to do well but there are many voices to be overcome in the standing up and shouting “look at me” “read my book.” There’s the early injunction, which never goes away “don’t show off.” There’s all my childhood memories of being told “you’re stupid.” There’s my transgenerational belief “stay quiet, and you won’t get hurt.” On top of which is the adult in me who is just straight forwardly scared of failure. Fears looking a fool. Hates being criticised and knows it is likely. And I have a kind of magical thinking that if I want it too much, it will be taken away. Whilst also wanting to talk about change, have discussions with booksellers, book buyers, journalists. I love talking about this stuff!
I am telling you this, I guess as a protection. Don’t think I am standing and shouting with impunity. Maybe I am writing this mainly for myself. To let myself know there are a lot of internal voices to be quietened whilst I find my voice to speak.
I would like you to know I have written a book “This Too Shall Pass – Stories of Crisis, Change and Hopeful Beginnings” …..