Six. Limits

Next Pillar

What Helps

For when we have a proper no, our yes is infinitely more positive.

The power of yes when we say no

When we find ourselves honestly assessing a situation and realising it is not right for us, and have the confidence to say no, it paradoxically enhances the power of yes.

Helps build our confidence

For when we have a proper no, our yes is infinitely more positive. This helps build up our confidence, and trust in ourself in a positive cycle. Because when we find ourselves doing the things we don’t want to do, hating it, maybe making mistakes or saying the wrong thing, or finding ourself in tears, that knocks our already shaky self-confidence.

Friends and family can get very bossy when we are grieving, and can be very keen for us to get back into the swing of life, but nobody else can know what our limits are, it is up to us to pay attention to them and voice them clearly.

Tips that help you say no:

  • Don’t give an answer straight away, say you will think about it and come back with an answer. Having time enables you to properly assess the situation
  • Acknowledge their positive wish for you, and their thoughtfulness and then say what is right for you
  • Sometimes try things out, but let yourself know that this is the tester, and if you hate it, you can say no next time - or yes
  • Keep it simple. You don’t need to justify or apologise. A clear assertive acknowledgement of their kind thought and response that it isn’t right for you now, is enough


In the chaos of grief we can feel tilted off our central axis, and it helps to build a pillar of structure.