Embracing the messiness of life

The pursuit of closure—an emotional destination where the pain of loss is neatly tied up and filed away. It's a concept we've all encountered, perhaps even yearned for at times. Recently, a client of mine vehemently declared, "I want closure… I’m furious, and I want to be over it all." The desire to stop feeling, to move on, is relatable. But is closure the elusive answer we believe it to be?

The word "closure" implies an end or closing down, a term often associated with the completion of grief or the resolution of a relationship. However, is the emotional closure we seek a false promise? Can we truly shut down emotional experiences like turning the page of a book? According to my reflections, the emotional weight of significant life events doesn't disappear; it lingers, offering valuable information to our brains.

Emotion serves as a signal, urging us to acknowledge change and update our mental databases. While the intensity of emotion may diminish over time, the wounds don't fully heal. Life events, loaded with emotional weight, persist within us. Rather than seeking closure, we learn to live with these experiences, finding ways to adapt and cope. They become part of our narrative, showing up unexpectedly in dreams or moments of reflection.

Despite the allure of closure, the truth is that we remember and live on. Closure may happen in books, movies, and TV shows, but the reality is messier and more complex. The stories we tell ourselves should be recognised as reflections of our experiences, and as humans, we don't simply forget and move on. We remember, learn, and continue living.

In exploring the concept of closure, I'm reminded of its seductive simplicity and the challenge of holding onto the truth. Closure may be an alluring idea, but the reality is that life is not tidy. It's an ongoing journey, marked by memories and experiences that shape us.