Grieving vs. Moving On: Society’s Contradictory Judgments on Healing After Loss

When a partner dies it is one of life’s most painful experiences and the journey through grief is deeply personal and unique to each individual. While there is no timeline for healing, society often imposes its own conflicting expectations on how and when you should move on. This creates a complex emotional landscape where on one hand, there’s pressure to "move on" and appear okay, while on the other, new relationships can be met with judgment and disapproval. Navigating this delicate balance between grieving and moving forward requires sensitivity to your own emotions, as well as a firm stance against external opinions. Our hearts are big and have the capacity to love more than one person—we can cherish the memory of our late partner while also embracing new love.

The Complexity of Grief and Moving On - The process of grief is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Some people feel ready to welcome someone new into their lives after a certain period of time, while others may never feel ready, or may prefer to remain single. Whether you seek the companionship of a new partner or choose to focus on your own personal growth, the key is to follow what feels right for you.

Feelings about new relationships after loss can vary greatly. You might crave the intimacy and comfort of a new relationship, or simply the distraction and excitement that comes with meeting someone new. On the other hand, you may feel strongly attached to your late partner and the idea of moving on could seem impossible or even wrong. Whatever you feel, it’s important to understand that all these emotions are valid. You are the only person who can determine what is best for you, and there is no need to rush the process.

Defining "Ready" - Determining when you are "ready" for a new relationship can be tricky. Some days you may feel prepared to take a step forward, only to experience doubt or hesitation the next. It’s natural for your feelings to fluctuate. One approach is to take things slowly, testing how each step feels and giving yourself permission to change your mind if it doesn't feel right. Grief is not a linear process and readiness is not always a clear, defining moment. Taking small steps, reassessing along the way can help you find clarity.

The Burden of Guilt - One of the most common emotions people feel when considering a new relationship after loss is guilt. It’s difficult to reconcile the idea of loving and missing someone while opening yourself to the possibility of new happiness. However, it’s important to understand that these emotions can coexist. Loving someone new does not diminish the love you had for your late partner and it doesn’t mean you’re forgetting them. Open conversations with potential new partners about your ongoing connection to the person who passed can help ease this transition.‍

Facing Society’s Judgments - Navigating society’s expectations after the loss of a partner can be a minefield. Ideally, you’ll have a support system of family and friends who understand that your healing process is yours alone to determine. However, many people find that those around them have strong opinions about when and if it’s appropriate to begin dating again. Some may struggle with the idea of you being with someone new, particularly if they were close to your late partner. Others may judge or disapprove, believing there is a "proper" timeline for grief that you must follow.

You may also encounter people urging you to move on before you feel ready, encouraging you to start dating again when you're still in the process of healing. In either case, it's important to remember that only you know what's right for you. While it's helpful to be mindful of how you share your decisions with others, ultimately, your life and healing journey are yours to navigate.

Considering Your Children - If you have children, the question of when to introduce a new partner becomes even more complicated. Children, regardless of their age, have already experienced one significant loss and introducing someone new into their lives should be done with care. Younger children might need more time to adjust, while teenagers or adult children may have their own emotional responses to seeing their parent in a new relationship. In any case, clear communication is essential. Reassure your children that a new relationship doesn’t replace the person who died and that it’s okay to continue talking about and remembering them.

It may also be helpful for your children to have someone they trust to talk to, whether it’s a friend, relative, or counsellor, so they can process their feelings openly and without fear of judgment.

Talking to Those Who Understand - Grief is often an isolating experience, and it can be difficult to find people who understand the complexities of moving on. Talking to friends or family can help but not everyone is equipped to offer non-judgmental support. Organisations like Cruse offer a listening ear through their helpline or local branches, providing a safe space to talk without the pressures of societal expectations. Additionally, groups like WAY and Way Up can connect you with others who have experienced similar losses, offering shared wisdom and support.

Moving on after loss doesn’t mean abandoning your grief and it certainly doesn’t mean you must conform to anyone else’s expectations. Whether you find happiness in a new relationship or in a life focused on yourself, it’s important to remember that your healing journey is uniquely your own.

If you ever need to challenge the idea that happiness is only found through romantic relationships, look no further than those who have redefined their lives after loss. WAY members, for instance, share tips on how to find meaning, joy, and fulfilment outside of traditional romantic narratives, providing valuable insight for those navigating this difficult path.