Let’s talk about men: the silent crisis of loneliness

A 2019 YouGov survey revealed a disconcerting reality: one in five men have no close friends. This finding raises significant concerns, particularly regarding the mental health implications of male isolation. I’ve discussed this important issue before, but my recent conversation with Caitlin Moran on Therapy Works has further emphasised its urgency. It cannot be a mere coincidence that more men die by suicide than women, and as of 2015, almost two-thirds of worldwide suicides were by men.

According to the YouGov survey, one in five men reported lacking close friendships. Meanwhile, a similar poll conducted by the Movember Foundation indicates that one in three men are without close friends, and when “close” is defined as someone they can confide in about personal matters like health or financial worries, that number rises alarmingly to one in two.

The Hidden Costs of Isolation

Millions of men are experiencing isolation, often without realising the detrimental effects it can have on their well-being. Many also grapple with a profound sense of shame associated with feeling lonely. And this shame often can make it even more challenging for men to seek out the connections they need for emotional support.

The void created by the lack of deep connections can become painfully apparent during difficult life events such as divorce, break-ups, bereavement, or employment struggles. Without a strong support network, these hardships can feel insurmountable.

Connection and supportive relationships are vital for everyone, yet studies show that men often struggle to invest in and maintain these types of friendships. Women generally allocate more time to fostering their relationships and are typically more open to relying emotionally on their friends. In contrast, many men find it significantly harder to forge deeper emotional connections and often find their friendships based on shared activities rather than emotional disclosure.

Most male friendships typically revolve around activities or shared interests—playing golf, watching football, or engaging in hobbies together. These pursuits can provide camaraderie, but they may lack the emotional intimacy that characterises many female friendships. In comparison, women are more likely to bond face-to-face, and their relationships frequently centre on conversation and emotional sharing.

The Fragility of Male Friendships

The nature of many male friendships means that if men lose these shared activities or the contexts in which they typically engage—perhaps due to life changes or relocations—the friendships themselves can also fade away. This fragility highlights the need for men to cultivate deeper connections that can endure beyond shared hobbies.

What Can We Do to Help?

The first step in addressing this issue is raising awareness. It is vital to initiate conversations about the importance of friendships and emotional well-being among men. Many experience profound shame in acknowledging feelings of loneliness and disconnection, leading them to deny these emotions even to themselves.

Take Action

My advice is to reach out to any men in your life who might lack supportive friendships or may feel they have no one to discuss their struggles with. Here are some practical steps you can take:

• Invite Open Conversations: Encourage them to talk about their feelings and struggles in their own time. Let them know that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and that you are there to listen without judgement.
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• Show Support: Make it clear that you are available for them to confide in, ensuring they understand that they are not alone in their experiences. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a significant difference.

If you are worried about a man close to you who may be struggling silently, several UK charities and initiatives are designed to support men's mental health. A great example is the Men’s Shed Initiative, which promotes community spaces where men can come together, engage in activities, and provide emotional support. But others also include; The Movember Foundation, James Place and The Charlie Waller Foundation.

Let us strive to ensure that every man knows the importance of friendship and the courage to seek help when needed. Together, we can support each other towards a healthier and more connected future.