Spotting Narcissists: How to Identify Their Traits and Protect Yourself from Toxic Relationships

We all, at times have narcissistic traits—and people have narcissistic tendencies on a spectrum. I’m discussing here the extreme end full on narcissism:

Navigating relationships can be challenging but when you’re involved with a narcissist the stakes are even higher. Narcissists have a unique set of traits that can leave you feeling confused, manipulated and emotionally drained, by learning to identify these warning signs early you can better protect yourself from toxic relationships and avoid long-term emotional harm. Below are five key signs to watch out for:

1. They Go Overboard with Their Affection

At the start of a relationship, a narcissist may overwhelm you with grand gestures, excessive compliments and constant attention. This is often referred to as “love bombing.” It can feel intoxicating at first as if you’ve found the perfect partner who showers you with affection, however, this behaviour is a red flag. Narcissists use these displays of affection to hook you in, creating an illusion of deep connection but over time this excessive attention will shift to manipulation as they seek control over the relationship. This could include planning extravagant outings, sending endless affectionate messages and flowers only days after you’ve met or declaring their love for you after just a few weeks.

2. Your Partner Gradually Belittles You

As the relationship progresses, another dark psychology narcissist is to subtly or blatantly starts to belittle you, with subtle comments that may appear to be helpful, but are actually tearing you down bit by bit. This is done to undermine your self-confidence to maintain their power in the relationship. They thrive on making you doubt yourself, leaving you dependent on their approval. This gradual erosion of self-esteem is a key tactic in their manipulation, which makes it even more difficult to recognise how far the dynamic has shifted.  

3. They Isolate You from Your Friends and Family

Narcissists often seek to control all aspects of your life and one of their most effective methods is isolating you from your support system. This might start by expressing concerns about certain friends or family members, saying that these relationships are “toxic” or “bad for you.” Over time, they will create tension and conflict between you and the people who care about you, leaving you even more dependent on them. By cutting you off from outside perspectives, the narcissist ensures they are your sole source of validation, making it harder for you to recognise their manipulative behaviour.

4. They Create Jealousy-Inducing Situations

Narcissists have a tendency to stir up feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partners. They might suggest how attractive another person is, suggesting their partner isn’t good enough or creating a sense of jealousy that makes them feel as though they aren’t good enough. This behaviour is intentional; it keeps you on edge, constantly seeking their attention and approval. Narcissists enjoy being the centre of attention and thrive on creating emotional chaos, making you feel like you’re never quite enough. This tactic keeps you focused on them and less aware of the unhealthy dynamics in the relationship.

5. They Frequently ‘Gaslight’ You

Gaslighting is a common tool used by narcissists to maintain control. This psychological manipulation involves distorting reality to make you doubt your perceptions, memories, and even your sanity. For example, they might deny having said or done something hurtful, causing you to question your own memory. Over time you may find yourself apologising for things you didn’t do or wondering if you’re overreacting. Gaslighting erodes your confidence in your own judgment, leaving you more dependent on the narcissist’s version of reality.

Recognising these warning signs is the first step towards protecting yourself from the emotional harm a narcissist can cause. If you're in a relationship showing these traits, it’s important to set clear boundaries and seek outside support. Speaking with trusted friends or a therapist can help you gain valuable perspective. Narcissists are skilled manipulators, making it hard to break free without a strong support system. Above all, remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally secure.

Also it is important to note, Narcissists rarely recognise their own narcissistic behaviour. With them often viewing themselves as the victim or as superior to others, making it difficult for them to acknowledge their toxic traits or the impact they have on those around them.

Leaving an abuser who uses dark psychology can be especially difficult, as they often keep you dependent on their validation. To protect yourself, start by learning about the manipulation tactics they might use, firmly setting boundaries and seeking professional support. As psychologist Dr Alaina Tiani from Cleveland Health Clinic puts it, "Good relationships should feel good."

Have you experienced narcissistic behaviour in a relationship? What signs did you notice and how did you protect yourself? I'd love to hear your experiences and I’m sure others would too.

Julia x