What Helps

Pillars of Strength

When we are grieving it affects every aspect of our life and our sense of self, which can mean even getting through a day, can seem insurmountably difficult. In Grief Works I focus on grief from death and in my subsequent book This Too Shall Pass I focus on grief from living losses. Living losses come from life’s continual change, all the beginnings and endings in life that bring with them the experience of loss. I have now expanded The 8 Pillars of Strength to include grief from living losses. These Pillars of Strength are a system of support, that can help you every single day.

I have developed this model from my work with clients and research. It is clear that talking and reflecting while we are in a phase of loss from death or change is key if we are to fulfil our potential and thrive. It is important that we take a holistic approach and become aware of how everything we choose to do, or not do, has an impact.

The 8 Pillars of Strength is a framework to find the attitudes, the ways of being and the good habits that will help build our strength to manage the highs and lows throughout our lives.

I cannot state strongly enough how important it is for each of us to develop our own toolbox of support, to find our own particular way of doing this. It requires work to build the pillars, and commitment to keep going. They work best as an integrated whole. We are all unique, so you will need to shape these guidelines to work for you.

For some this may seem impossible in the first weeks and months of grief, but don't give up on the idea, come back to them later.

There is a great deal of information in the 8 Pillars, but don’t let that put you off. Start by choosing one or two and work out how you can integrate them as part of your daily life. When you’ve got your head around doing those, choose another. Once you feel the benefits it will be easy to keep going.