Grieving a living loss: navigating life after a health diagnosis

All of us know from our own experiences that grief comes in many forms. For me, this is a concept I refer to as “living loss.” Living loss can encompass various life events, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, and, of course, receiving a life-changing health diagnosis. But what happens when you or someone significant in your life receives such a diagnosis?

To better understand this experience, I will describe it from the perspective of the person who has received the diagnosis, although it can also be applicable to those who love that person. As we all know, the health or illness of someone we care about has a profound impact on our lives too.

‍The Moment of Diagnosis: A Shift in Reality

Upon receiving a diagnosis, the world shifts beneath your feet. Everything you expected and trusted about your future changes in an instant. The point of receiving a diagnosis is essentially about frameworks for moving forward and coping with ill health. It offers a name to the problem at hand, a map of sorts, that helps in understanding what is wrong. However, the not knowing—living in uncertainty—can be terrifying and debilitating.

The sudden clarity that comes with a diagnosis can paradoxically feel like a simultaneous loss. The aspect of your health that you once believed was sound is now in question. If the diagnosis is life-threatening or life-limiting, your entire future can feel irrevocably altered. The emotional weight of such news is heavy, and the severity of the diagnosis will dictate the level of loss felt.

Unique and Personal Grief

The level of loss is unique and will be associated to the seriousness of the diagnosis. But, whatever it is, it take time to adjust, and - I'm afraid - pain is the agent of change - we often feel great distress and pain on hearing it.

It will take time to come to terms with it and to find a way of navigating your new health identity or shortened future. It will be something that you might oscillate in and out of - at times you might feel the pain and in other moments you might be able to distract yourself and avoid it.

Navigating Your New Health Identity

As you work through your emotions, it becomes crucial to give yourself the support you need. This support will come in many forms—from medical professionals, family, friends, and even support groups. One of the most important aspects of navigating this journey is fostering a network that enables you to live with the pain of your loss while also encouraging you to engage with life as it exists now.

Support can manifest in various ways, whether through therapy, connecting with others who have faced similar challenges, or even finding creative outlets for expressing your feelings. Surrounding yourself with caring individuals who understand your struggles can be tremendously healing.

The Importance of Self Compassion

In the face of such life-altering news, self-compassion is essential. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise—anger, fear, sadness, or even moments of fleeting joy. Understanding that these feelings are all part of the process helps in normalising the experience of grief. Remember that it's okay to oscillate between sorrow and moments of relief or distraction. This ebb and flow is a natural response to living with a new reality.

Reflecting on Your Journey

The experience of navigating the aftermath of a health diagnosis is fraught with complexity. It can feel like a journey laden with uncertainty and emotional turmoil, yet it can also lead to personal growth and resilience.

I have written extensively about this in my book - This Too Shall Pass - so if this is something that affects you profoundly it might be worth reading the section on Health in it, with three difference case studies and then the reflections with all the relevant research.

Receiving a health diagnosis is indeed a living loss that requires time, support, and understanding. It challenges your perceptions, reshapes your identity, and compels you to confront your emotions. By allowing yourself the space to navigate this grief and by seeking the support of others, you can find a path forward. Life may look different now, but with the right support, you can learn to both honour your loss and engage fully with the present moment. Remember that you are not alone in this journey; many have walked similar paths, and finding solace in shared experiences can be powerful in moments of hardship.